Reading Body Language: studying mind through body language

How to read body language signs and gestures - non-verbal communications - male and female, for work, social, and relationships

Body Language - technically known as kinesics (pronounced 'kineesicks') - is a significant aspect of modern communications and relationships.
Body Language is therefore very relevant to management and leadership, and to all aspects of work and business where communications can be seen and physically observed among people.
Body language is also very relevant to relationships outside of work, for example in dating and mating, and in families and parenting.
Communication includes listening. In terms of observable body language, non-verbal (non-spoken) signals are being exchanged whether these signals are accompanied by spoken words or not.
Body language goes both ways:

Your own body language reveals your feelings and meanings to others.
Other people's body language reveals their feelings and meanings to you.

"body language - noun - the conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated [for example]: his intent was clearly expressed in his body language."

Appropriately and interestingly the Oxford Business English Dictionary emphasizes the sense that body language can be used as a tool, rather than it being an involuntary effect with no particular purpose:
"body language - noun - the process of communicating what you are feeling or thinking by the way you place and move your body rather than by words [for example]: The course trains sales people in reading the customer's body language."
The OED dictionary definition of kinesics - the technical term for body language - depends on the interpretation of 'non-verbal communication':
"kinesics - the study of the way in which certain body movements and gestures serve as a form of non-verbal communication."

Body language is more than those brief descriptions.

Body language certainly also encompasses where the body is in relation to other bodies (often referred to as 'personal space').
Body language certainly also includes very small bodily movements such as facial expressions and eye movements.

There are some gestures which have specific interpretations. these gestures are shown by our different body parts.we use them for non-verbal communication that shows different meanings.some common meaning are:

eyes - body language

Our eyes are a very significant aspect of the non-verbal signals we send to others.
To a lesser or greater extent we all 'read' people's eyes without knowing how or why, and this ability seems to be inborn.
Eyes - and especially our highly developed awareness of what we see in other people's eyes - are incredible.
For example we know if we have eye contact with someone at an almost unbelievable distance. Far too far away to be able to see the detail of a person's eyes - 30-40 metres away or more sometimes - we know when there is eye contact. This is an absolutely awesome capability when you think about it.
Incredibly also, we can see whether another person's eyes are focused on us or not, and we can detect easily the differences between a 'glazed over' blank stare, a piercing look, a moistening eye long before tears come, and an awkward or secret glance.
We probably cannot describe these and many other eye signals, but we recognise them when we see them and we know what they mean.
When we additionally consider the eyelids, and the flexibility of the eyes to widen and close, and for the pupils to enlarge or contract, it becomes easier to understand how the eyes have developed such potency in human communications.
A note about eyes looking right and left..
(Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements)
Eyes tend to look right when the brain is imagining or creating, and left when the brain is recalling or remembering. This relates to right and left sides of the brain - in this context broadly the parts of the brain handling creativity/feelings (right) and facts/memory (left). This is analysed in greater detail below, chiefly based on NLP theory developed in the 1960s. Under certain circumstances 'creating' can mean fabrication or lying, especially (but not always - beware), when the person is supposed to be recalling facts. Looking right when stating facts does not necessarily mean lying - it could for example mean that the person does not know the answer, and is talking hypothetically or speculating or guessing.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making the movements.
looking right (generally)	eyes	creating, fabricating, guessing, lying, storytelling	Creating here is basically making things up and saying them. Depending on context this can indicate lying, but in other circumstances, for example, storytelling to a child, this would be perfectly normal. Looking right and down indicates accessing feelings, which again can be a perfectly genuine response or not, depending on the context, and to an extent the person.
looking left (generally)	eyes	recalling, remembering, retrieving 'facts'	Recalling and and then stating 'facts' from memory in appropriate context often equates to telling the truth. Whether the 'facts' (memories) are correct is another matter. Left downward looking indicates silent self-conversation or self-talk, typically in trying to arrive at a view or decision.
looking right and up	eyes	visual imagining, fabrication, lying	Related to imagination and creative (right-side) parts of the brain, this upwards right eye-movement can be a warning sign of fabrication if a person is supposed to be recalling and stating facts.
looking right sideways	eyes	imagining sounds	Sideways eye movements are believed to indicate imagining (right) or recalling (left) sounds, which can include for example a person imagining or fabricating what another person has said or could say.
looking right and down	eyes	accessing feelings	This is a creative signal but not a fabrication - it can signal that the person is self-questioning their feelings about something. Context particularly- and other signals - are important for interpreting more specific meaning about this signal.
looking left and up	eyes	recalling images truthfulness	Related to accessing memory in the brain, rather than creating or imagining. A reassuring sign if signalled when the person is recalling and stating facts.
looking left sideways	eyes	recalling or remembering sounds	Looking sideways suggests sounds; looking left suggests recalling or remembering - not fabricating or imagining. This therefore could indicate recalling what has been said by another person.
looking left down	eyes	self-talking, rationalizing	Thinking things through by self-talk - concerning an outward view, rather than the inward feelings view indicated by downward right looking.
direct eye contact (when speaking)	eyes	honesty - or faked honesty	Direct eye contact is generally regarded as a sign of truthfulness, however practised liars know this and will fake the signal.
direct eye contact (when listening)	eyes	attentiveness, interest, attraction	Eyes which stay focused on the speakers eyes, tend to indicate focused interested attention too, which is normally a sign of attraction to the person and/or the subject.
widening eyes	eyes	interest, appeal, invitation	Widening the eyes generally signals interest in something or someone, and often invites positive response. Widened eyes with raised eyebrows can otherwise be due to shock, but aside from this, widening eyes represents an opening and welcoming expression. In women especially widened eyes tend to increase attractiveness, which is believed by some body language experts to relate to the eye/face proportions of babies, and the associated signals of attraction and prompting urges to protect and offer love and care, etc.
rubbing eye or eyes	eyes	disbelief, upset, or tiredness	Rubbing eyes or one eye can indicate disbelief, as if checking the vision, or upset, in which the action relates to crying, or tiredness, which can be due boredom, not necessarily a need for sleep. If the signal is accompanied by a long pronounced blink, this tends to support the tiredness interpretation.
eye shrug	eyes	frustration	An upward roll of the eyes signals frustration or exasperation, as if looking to the heavens for help.
pupils dilated (enlarged)	eyes	attraction, desire	The pupil is the black centre of the eye which opens or closes to let in more or less light. Darkness causes pupils to dilate. So too, for some reason does seeing something appealing or attractive. The cause of the attraction depends on the situation. In the case of sexual attraction the effect can be mutual - dilated pupils tend to be more appealing sexually that contracted ones, perhaps because of an instinctive association with darkness, night-time, bedtime, etc., although the origins of this effect are unproven. Resist the temptation to imagine that everyone you see with dilated pupils is sexually attracted to you.
blinking frequently	eyes	excitement, pressure	Normal human blink rate is considered to be between six and twenty times a minute, depending on the expert. Significantly more than this is a sign of excitement or pressure. Blink rate can increase to up to a hundred times a minute. Blink rate is not a reliable sign of lying.
blinking infrequently	eyes	various	Infrequent blink rate can mean different things and so offers no single clue unless combined with other signals. An infrequent blink rate is probably due to boredom if the eyes are not focused, or can be the opposite - concentration - if accompanied with a strongly focused gaze. Infrequent blink rate can also be accompanied by signals of hostility or negativity, and is therefore not the most revealing of body language signals.
eyebrow raising (eyebrow 'flash')	eyes	greeting, recognition, acknowledgement	Quickly raising and lowering the eyebrows is called an 'eyebrow flash'. It is a common signal of greeting and acknowledgement, and is perhaps genetically influenced since it is prevalent in monkeys (body language study does not sit entirely happily alongside creationism). Fear and surprise are also signalled by the eyebrow flash, in which case the eyebrows normally remain raised for longer, until the initial shock subsides.
winking	eyes	friendly acknowledgement, complicity (e.g., sharing a secret or joke)	Much fuss was made in May 2007 when George W Bush winked at the Queen. The fuss was made because a wink is quite an intimate signal, directed exclusively from one person to another, and is associated with male flirting. It is strange that a non-contact wink can carry more personal implications than a physical handshake, and in many situations more than a kiss on the cheek. A wink is given additional spice if accompanied by a click of the tongue. Not many people can carry it off. Additionally - and this was partly the sense in which Bush used it - a wink can signal a shared joke or secret.

mouth - body language

The mouth is associated with very many body language signals, which is not surprising given its functions - obviously speech, but also those connected with infant feeding, which connects psychologically through later life with feelings of security, love and sex.
The mouth can be touched or obscured by a person's own hands or fingers, and is a tremendously flexible and expressive part of the body too, performing a central role in facial expressions.
The mouth also has more visible moving parts than other sensory organs, so there's a lot more potential for variety of signalling.
Unlike the nose and ears, which are generally only brought into body language action by the hands or fingers, the mouth acts quite independently, another reason for it deserving separate detailed consideration.
Smiling is a big part of facial body language. As a general rule real smiles are symmetrical and produce creases around the eyes and mouth, whereas fake smiles, for whatever reason, tend to be mouth-only gestures.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
pasted smile	mouth	faked smile	A pasted smile is one which appears quickly, is fixed for longer than a natural smile, and seems not to extend to the eyes. This typically indicates suppressed displeasure or forced agreement of some sort.
tight-lipped smile	mouth	secrecy or withheld feelings	Stretched across face in a straight line, teeth concealed. The smiler has a secret they are not going to share, possibly due to dislike or distrust. Can also be a rejection signal.
twisted smile	mouth	mixed feelings or sarcasm	Shows opposite emotions on each side of the face.
dropped-jaw smile	mouth	faked smile	More of a practised fake smile than an instinctive one. The jaw is dropped lower than in a natural smile, the act of which creates a smile.
smile - head tilted, looking up	mouth	playfulness, teasing, coy	Head tilted sideways and downwards so as to part hide the face, from which the smile is directed via the eyes at the intended target.
bottom lip jutting out	mouth	upset	Like rubbing eyes can be an adult version of crying, so jutting or pushing the bottom lip forward is a part of the crying face and impulse. Bear in mind that people cry for reasons of genuine upset, or to avert attack and seek sympathy or kind treatment.
laughter	mouth	relaxation	Laughter deserves a section in its own right because its such an interesting area. In terms of body language genuine laughter is a sign of relaxation and feeling at ease. Natural laughter can extend to all the upper body or whole body. The physiology of laughter is significant. Endorphins are released. Pain and stress reduces. Also vulnerabilities show and can become more visible because people's guard drops when laughing.
forced laughter	mouth	nervousness, cooperation	Unnatural laughter is often a signal of nervousness or stress, as an effort to dispel tension or change the atmosphere. Artificial laughter is a signal of cooperation and a wish to maintain empathy.
biting lip	mouth	tension	One of many signals suggesting tension or stress, which can be due to high concentration, but more likely to be anxiousness.
teeth grinding	mouth	tension, suppression	Inwardly-directed 'displacement' (see body language glossary) sign, due to suppression of natural reaction due to fear or other suppressant.
chewing gum	mouth	tension, suppression	As above - an inwardly-directed 'displacement' sign, due to suppression of natural reaction. Otherwise however can simply be to freshen breath, or as a smoking replacement.
smoking	mouth	self-comforting	Smoking obviously becomes habitual and addictive, but aside from this people put things into their mouths because it's comforting like thumb-sucking is to a child, in turn rooted in baby experiences of feeding and especially breastfeeding.
thumb-sucking	mouth	self-comforting	A self-comforting impulse in babies and children, substituting breast-feeding, which can persist as a habit into adulthood.
chewing pen or pencil	mouth	self-comforting	Like smoking and infant thumbsucking. The pen is the teat. Remember that next time you chew the end of your pen...
pursing lips	mouth	thoughtfulness, or upset	As if holding the words in the mouth until they are ready to be released. Can also indicate anxiousness or impatience at not being able to speak. Or quite differently can indicate upset, as if suppressing crying.
tongue poke	mouth / tongue	disapproval, rejection	The tongue extends briefly and slightly at the centre of the mouth as if tasting something nasty. The gesture may be extremely subtle. An extreme version may be accompanied by a wrinkling of the nose, and a squint of the eyes.
hand clamped over mouth	mouth / hands	suppression, holding back, shock	Often an unconscious gesture of self-regulation - stopping speech for reasons of shock, embarrassment, or for more tactical reasons. The gesture is reminiscent of the 'speak no evil' wise monkey. The action can be observed very clearly in young children when they witness something 'unspeakably' naughty or shocking. Extreme versions of the same effect would involve both hands.
nail biting	mouth / hands	frustration, suppression	Nail-biting is an inwardly-redirected aggression borne of fear, or some other suppression of behaviour. Later nail-biting becomes reinforced as a comforting habit, again typically prompted by frustration or fear. Stress in this context is an outcome. Stress doesn't cause nail-biting; nail-biting is the outward demonstration of stress. The cause of the stress can be various things (stressors). See the stress article for more detail about stress.

head - body language

The head is very significant in body language.
The head tends to lead and determine general body direction, but it is also vital and vulnerable being where our brain is, so the head is used a lot in directional (likes and dislikes) body language, and in defensive (self-protection) body language too.
A person's head, due to a very flexible neck structure, can turn, jut forward, withdraw, tilt sideways, forwards, backwards. All of these movements have meanings, which given some thought about other signals can be understood.
The head usually has hair, ears, eyes, nose, and a face, which has more complex and visible muscular effects than any other area of the body.
The face, our eyes and our hands, are the most powerful parts of our body in sending body language signals.
The head - when our hands interact with it - is therefore dynamic and busy in communicating all sorts of messages - consciously and unconsciously.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
head nodding	head	agreement	Head nodding can occur when invited for a response, or voluntarily while listening. Nodding is confusingly and rather daftly also referred to as 'head shaking up and down'. Head nodding when talking face-to-face one-to-one is easy to see, but do you always detect tiny head nods when addressing or observing a group?
slow head nodding	head	attentive listening	This can be a faked signal. As with all body language signals you must look for clusters of signals rather than relying on one alone. Look at the focus of eyes to check the validity of slow head nodding.
fast head nodding	head	hurry up, impatience	Vigorous head nodding signifies that the listener feels the speaker has made their point or taken sufficient time. Fast head nodding is rather like the 'wind-up' hand gesture given off-camera or off-stage by a producer to a performer, indicating 'time's up - get off'.
head held up	head	neutrality, alertness	High head position signifies attentive listening, usually with an open or undecided mind, or lack of bias.
head held high	head	superiority, fearlessness, arrogance	Especially if exhibited with jutting chin.
head tilted to one side	head	non-threatening, submissive, thoughtfulness	A signal of interest, and/or vulnerability, which in turn suggests a level of trust. Head tilting is thought by some to relate to 'sizing up' something, since tilting the head changes the perspective offered by the eyes, and a different view is seen of the other person or subject. Exposing the neck is also a sign of trust.
head forward, upright	head / body	interest, positive reaction	Head forward in the direction of a person or other subject indicates interest. The rule also applies to a forward leaning upper body, commonly sitting, but also standing, where the movement can be a distinct and significant advancement into a closer personal space zone of the other person. Head forward and upright is different to head tilted downward.
head tilted downward	head	criticism, admonishment	Head tilted downwards towards a person is commonly a signal of criticism or reprimand or disapproval, usually from a position of authority.
head shaking	head	disagreement	Sideways shaking of the head generally indicates disagreement, but can also signal feelings of disbelief, frustration or exasperation. Obvious of course, but often ignored or missed where the movement is small, especially in groups seemingly reacting in silent acceptance.
pronounced head shaking	head	strong disagreement	The strength of movement of the head usually relates to strength of feeling, and often to the force by which the head-shaker seeks to send this message to the receiver. This is an immensely powerful signal and is used intentionally by some people to dominate others.
head down (in response to a speaker or proposition)	head	negative, disinterested	Head down is generally a signal of rejection (of someone's ideas etc), unless the head is down for a purpose like reading supporting notes, etc. Head down when responding to criticism is a signal of failure, vulnerability (hence seeking protection), or feeling ashamed.
head down (while performing an activity)	head	defeat, tiredness	Lowering the head is a sign of loss, defeat, shame, etc. Hence the expressions such as 'don't let your head drop', and 'don't let your head go down', especially in sports and competitive activities. Head down also tends to cause shoulders and upper back to to slump, increasing the signs of weakness at that moment.
chin up	head	pride, defiance, confidence	Very similar to the 'head held high' signal. Holding the chin up naturally alters the angle of the head backwards, exposing the neck, which is a signal of strength, resilience, pride, resistance, etc. A pronounced raised chin does other interesting things to the body too - it tends to lift the sternum (breast-bone), which draws in air, puffing out the chest, and it widens the shoulders. These combined effects make the person stand bigger. An exposed neck is also a sign of confidence. 'Chin up' is for these reasons a long-standing expression used to encourage someone to be brave.
active listening	head / face	attention, interest, attraction	When people are listening actively and responsively this shows in their facial expression and their head movements. The head and face are seen to respond fittingly and appropriately to what is being said by the speaker. Nodding is relevant to what is being said. Smiles and other expressions are relevant too. The head may tilt sideways. Mirroring of expressions may occur. Silences are used to absorb meaning. The eyes remain sharply focused on the eyes of the speaker, although at times might lower to look at the mouth, especially in male-female engagements.

arms - body language

Arms act as defensive barriers when across the body, and conversely indicate feelings of openness and security when in open positions, especially combined with open palms.
Arms are quite reliable indicators of mood and feeling, especially when interpreted with other body language.
This provides a good opportunity to illustrate how signals combine to enable safer analysis.
For example:

crossed arms = possibly defensive
crossed arms + crossed legs = probably defensive
crossed arms + crossed legs + frowning + clenched fists = definitely defensive, and probably hostile too.

While this might seem obvious written in simple language, it's not always so clear if your attention is on other matters.
Body language is more than just knowing the theory - it's being aware constantly of the signals people are giving.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
crossed arms (folded arms)	arms	defensiveness, reluctance	Crossed arms represent a protective or separating barrier. This can be due to various causes, ranging from severe animosity or concern to mild boredom or being too tired to be interested and attentive. Crossed arms is a commonly exhibited signal by subordinates feeling threatened by bosses and figures of authority. N.B. People also cross arms when they are feeling cold, so be careful not to misread this signal.
crossed arms with clenched fists	arms	hostile defensiveness	Clenched fists reinforce stubbornness, aggression or the lack of empathy indicated by crossed arms.
gripping own upper arms	arms	insecurity	Gripping upper arms while folded is effectively self-hugging. Self-hugging is an attempt to reassure unhappy or unsafe feelings.
one arm across body clasping other arm by side (female)	arms	nervousness	Women use this gesture. Men tend not to. It's a 'barrier' protective signal, and also self-hugging.
arms held behind body with hands clasped	arms	confidence, authority	As demonstrated by members of the royal family, armed forces officers, teachers, policemen, etc.
handbag held in front of body (female)	arms	nervousness	Another 'barrier' protective signal.
holding papers across chest (mainly male)	arms	nervousness	Another 'barrier' protective signal, especially when arm is across chest.
adjusting cuff, watchstrap, tie, etc., using an arm across the body	arms	nervousness	Another 'barrier' protective signal.
arms/hands covering genital region (male)	arms / hands	nervousness	Another 'barrier' protective signal.
holding a drink in front of body with both hands	arms / hands	nervousness	Another 'barrier' protective signal.
seated, holding drink on one side with hand from other side	arms / hands	nervousness	One arm rests on the table across the body, holding a drink (or pen, etc). Another 'barrier' protective signal.
touching or scratching shoulder using arm across body	arms / shoulder	nervousness	Another 'barrier' protective signal.

hands - body language

Body language involving hands is extensive.
This is because hands are such expressive parts of the body, and because hands interact with other parts of the body.
Hands contain many more nerve connections (to the brain) than most if not all other body parts. They are extremely expressive and flexible tools, so it is natural for hands to be used a lot in signalling consciously - as with emphasizing gestures - or unconsciously - as in a wide range of unintentional movements which indicate otherwise hidden feelings and thoughts.
A nose or an ear by itself can do little to signal a feeling, but when a hand or finger is also involved then there is probably a signal of some sort.
Hands body language is used for various purposes, notably:

emphasis, (pointing, jabbing, and chopping actions, etc)
illustration (drawing, shaping, mimicking actions or sizing things in the air - this big/long/wide/etc., phoning actions, etc)
specific conscious signals like the American OK, the thumbs-up, the Victory-sign, and for rude gestures, etc.
greeting people and waving goodbye (which might be included in the above category)
and more interestingly in unconscious 'leakage' signals including interaction with items like pens and cigarettes and other parts of the body, indicating feelings such as doubt, deceit, pressure, openness, expectation, etc.

Body language experts generally agree that hands send more signals than any part of the body except for the face. Studying hand body language therefore yields a lot of information; hence the hands section below is large.
There are many cultural body language differences in hand signals. The section below focuses on Western behaviour. Much applies elsewhere, but avoid assuming that it all does.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
palm(s) up or open	hands	submissive, truthful, honesty, appealing	Said to evolve from when open upward palms showed no weapon was held. A common gesture with various meanings around a main theme of openness. Can also mean "I don't have the answer," or an appeal. In some situations this can indicate confidence (such as to enable openness), or trust/trustworthiness. An easily faked gesture to convey innocence. Outward open forearms or whole arms are more extreme versions of the signal.
palm(s) up, fingers pointing up	hands	defensive, instruction to stop	Relaxed hands are more likely to be defensive as if offered up in protection; rigid fingers indicates a more authoritative instruction or request to stop whatever behaviour is promoting the reaction.
palm(s) down	hands	authority, strength, dominance	Where the lower arm moves across the body with palm down this is generally defiance or firm disagreement.
palm up and moving up and down as if weighing	hands	striving for or seeking an answer	The hand is empty, but figuratively holds a problem or idea as if weighing it. The signal is one of 'weighing' possibilities.
hand(s) on heart (left side of chest)	hands	seeking to be believed	Although easy to fake, the underlying meaning is one of wanting to be believed, whether being truthful or not. Hand on heart can be proactive, as when a salesman tries to convince a buyer, or reactive, as when claiming innocence or shock. Whatever, the sender of this signal typically feels the need to emphasise their position as if mortally threatened, which is rarely the case.
finger pointing (at a person)	hands	aggression, threat, emphasis	Pointing at a person is very confrontational and dictatorial. Commonly adults do this to young people. Adult to adult it is generally unacceptable and tends to indicate a lack of social awareness or self-control aside from arrogance on the part of the finger pointer. The finger is thought to represent a gun, or pointed weapon. Strongly associated with anger, directed at another person. An exception to the generally aggressive meaning of finger pointing is the finger point and wink, below.
finger point and wink	hands/ eyes	acknowledgement or confirmation	The subtle use of a winked eye with a pointed finger changes the finger point into a different signal, that of acknowledging something, often a contribution or remark made by someone, in which case the finger and wink are directed at the person concerned, and can be a signal of positive appreciation, as if to say, "You got it," or "You understand it, well done".
finger pointing (in the air)	hands	emphasis	Pointing in the air is generally used to add emphasis, by a person feeling in authority or power.
finger wagging (side to side)	hands	warning, refusal	Rather like the waving of a pistol as a threat. Stop it/do as you are told, or else..
finger wagging (up and down)	hands	admonishment, emphasis	The action is like pressing a button on a keypad several times. Like when a computer or elevator won't work, as if pressing the button lots of times will make any difference..
hand chop	hands	emphasis - especially the last word on a matter	The hand is used like a guillotine, as if to kill the discussion.
clenched fist(s)	hands	resistance, aggression, determination	One or two clenched fists can indicate different feelings - defensive, offensive, positive or negative, depending on context and other signals. Logically a clenched fist prepares the hand (and mind and body) for battle of one sort or another, but in isolation the signal is impossible to interpret more precisely than a basic feeling of resolve.
finger tips and thumbs touching each other on opposite hands ('steepling')	hands	thoughtfulness, looking for or explaining connections or engagement	Very brainy folk use this gesture since it reflects complex and/or elevated thinking. In this gesture only the fingertips touch - each finger with the corresponding digit of the other hand, pointing upwards like the rafters of a tall church roof. Fingers are spread and may be rigidly straight or relaxed and curved. Alternating the positions (pushing fingers together then relaxing again - like a spider doing press-ups on a mirror) enables the fascinating effect (nothing to do with body language), which after enough repetition can produce a sensation of having a greased sheet of glass between the fingers. Try it - it's very strange. Very brainy people probably don't do this because they have more important things to think about. It's their loss.
steepled fingers pointing forward	hands	thoughtfulness and barrier	The upwards-pointing version tends to indicate high-minded or connective/complex thinking, however when this hand shape is directed forward it also acts as a defensive or distancing barrier between the thinker and other(s) present.
palms down moving up and down, fingers spread	hands	seeking or asking for calm, loss of control of a group or situation	Seen often in rowdy meetings the gesture is typically a few inches above the table top, but is also seen standing up. The action is one of suppressing or holding down a rising pressure. Teachers use this gesture when trying to quieten a class.
cracking knuckles	hands	comforting habit, attention-seeking	Usually male. Machismo or habit. Meaning depends on context. No-one knows still exactly how the noise is made, but the notion that the practice leads to arthritis is now generally thought to be nonsense.
interwoven clenched fingers	hands	frustration, negativity, anxiousness	Usually hands would be on a table or held across stomach or on lap.
index finger and thumb touching at tips	hands	satisfaction, 'OK'	This is generally seen to be the 'OK' signal, similar to the 'thumbs up'. The signal may be to oneself quietly, or more pronounced directed to others. There is also the sense of this suggesting something being 'just right' as if the finger and thumb are making a fine adjustment with a pinch of spice or a tiny turn of a control knob. The circle formed by the joined finger and thumb resembles the O from OK. The remaining three fingers are spread.
thumb(s) up	hands	positive approval, agreement, all well	In the Western world this signal is so commonly used and recognized it has become a language term in its own right: 'thumbs up' means approved. It's a very positive signal. Two hands is a bigger statement of the same meaning.
thumbs down	hands	disapproval, failure	Logically the opposite of thumbs up. Rightly or wrongly the thumbs up and down signals are associated with the gladiatorial contests of the ancient Roman arenas in which the presiding dignitary would signal the fate of the losing contestants.
thumb(s) clenched inside fist(s)	hands	self-comforting, frustration, insecurity	As with other signals involving holding or stroking a part of one's own body this tends to indicate self-comforting. Also thumbs are potent and flexible tools, so disabling them logically reduces a person's readiness for action.
hand held horizontally and rocked from side to side	hands	undecided, in the balance	Signalling that a decision or outcome, normally finely balanced and difficult to predict or control, could go one way or another.
rubbing hands together	hands	anticipation, relish	A signal - often a conscious gesture - of positive expectation, and often related to material or financial reward, or an enjoyable activity and outcome.
hand(s) clamped over mouth	hands / mouth	suppression, shock	See mouth/hand clamp entry in mouth section, which is a subject in its own right.
touching nose, while speaking	hands / nose	lying or exaggeration	This is said to hide the reddening of the nose caused by increased blood flow. Can also indicate mild embellishment or fabrication. The children's story about Pinocchio (the wooden puppet boy whose nose grew when he told lies) reflects long-standing associations between the nose and telling lies.
scratching nose, while speaking	hands / nose	lying or exaggeration	Nose-scratching while speaking is a warning sign, unless the person genuinely has an itchy nose. Often exhibited when recounting an event or incident.
pinching or rubbing nose, while listening	hands / nose	thoughtfulness, suppressing comment	In many cases this is an unconscious signalling of holding back or delaying a response or opinion. Pinching the nose physically obstructs breathing and speech, especially if the mouth is covered at the same time. Rather like the more obvious hand-clamp over the mouth, people displaying this gesture probably have something to say but are choosing not to say it yet.
picking nose	hands / nose	day-dreaming, inattentive, socially disconnected, stress	Nose picking is actually extremely common among adults but does not aid career development or social acceptance and is therefore normally a private affair. When observed, nose-picking can signify various states of mind, none particularly positive.
pinching bridge of nose	hands / nose	negative evaluation	Usually accompanied with a long single blink.
hands clamped on ears	hands / ears	rejection of or resistance to something	Not surprisingly gestures involving hands covering the ears signify a reluctance to listen and/or to agree with what is being said or to the situation as a whole. The gesture is occasionally seen by a person doing the talking, in which case it tends to indicate that other views and opinions are not wanted or will be ignored.
ear tugging	hands / ears	indecision, self-comforting	People fiddle with their own bodies in various ways when seeking comfort, but ear-pulling or tugging given suitable supporting signs can instead indicate indecision and related pondering.
hands clasping head	hands / head	calamity	Hands clasping head is like a protective helmet against some disaster or problem.
hand stroking chin	hands / chin	thoughtfulness	The stroking of a beard is a similar signal, although rare among women.
hand supporting chin or side of face	hands / chin, face	evaluation, tiredness or boredom	Usually the forearm is vertical from the supporting elbow on a table. People who display this signal are commonly assessing or evaluating next actions, options, or reactions to something or someone. If the resting is heavier and more prolonged, and the gaze is unfocused or averted, then tiredness or boredom is a more likely cause. A lighter resting contact is more likely to be evaluation, as is lightly resting the chin on the knuckles.
chin resting on thumb, index finger pointing up against face	hands / chin	evaluation	This is a more reliable signal of evaluation than the above full-hand support. Normally the supporting elbow will be on a table or surface. The middle finger commonly rests horizontally between chin and lower lip.
neck scratching	hands / neck	doubt, disbelief	Perhaps evolved from a feeling of distrust and instinct to protect the vulnerable neck area. Who knows - whatever, the signal is generally due to doubting or distrusting what is being said.
hand clasping wrist	hands / wrist	frustration	Clasping a wrist, which may be behind the back or in open view, can be a signal of frustration, as if holding oneself back.
running hands through hair	hair / hair	flirting, or vexation, exasperation	Take your pick - running hands through the hair is commonly associated with flirting, and sometimes it is, although given different supporting signals, running hands through the hair can indicate exasperation or upset.
hand(s) on hip(s)	hands / arms	confidence, readiness, availability	The person is emphasizing their presence and readiness for action. Observable in various situations, notably sport, and less pronounced poses in social and work situations. In social and flirting context it is said that the hands are drawing attention to the genital area.
hands in pockets	hands / arms	disinterest, boredom	The obvious signal is one of inaction, and not being ready for action. Those who stand with hands in pockets - in situations where there is an expectation for people to be enthusiastic and ready for action - demonstrate apathy and lack of interest for the situation.
removing spectacles	hands / spectacles	alerting wish to speak	For people who wear reading-only spectacles, this is an example of an announcement or alerting gesture, where a person readies themselves to speak and attracts attention to the fact. Other alerting signals include raising the hand, taking a breath, moving upwards and forwards in their seat, etc.
playing an imaginary violin	hands / arms	mock sympathy or sadness	The 'air violin' has been around a lot longer than the 'air guitar', and is based on the traditional use of violin music as a theme or background for sad scenes in movies and in music generally. The 'air violin' is not typically included in body language guides; it's here as an amusing gesture which demonstrates our conscious practice and recognition of certain signals.
thumb and fingers formed into a tube and rocked side to side or up and down (mainly male)	hands	offensive - mockery, dissatisfaction, expression of inferior quality	A conscious signal, usually one-handed. Insulting gesture if directed at a person, typically male to male, since it mimics masturbation, like calling a person a 'tosser' or a 'wanker' (UK) or a jerk-off (US). This is obviously rude and not used in respectable company such as the queen or a group of clergymen. The gesture is also used as a response to something regarded as poor quality, which might be a performance or piece of work or a comment on a product of some sort. The allusion is to masturbation being a poor substitute for sex with a woman, and that those who masturbate are not 'real men'. Unsurprisingly the gesture is mainly male, directed at other males, especially in tribal-like gatherings. Rare female use of this gesture directed at males can be very effective due to its humiliating value. For obvious reasons the gesture is unlikely to be used by females or males directed at females.
two-fingered V-sign, palm inward (mainly male)	hands / fingers	offensive - derision, contempt	A consciously offensive and aggressive gesture, also called 'flicking the Vs', widely but probably incorrectly thought to derive from the 1415 Battle of Agincourt in the Hundred Years War when the tactically pivotal Welsh longbowmen supposedly derided the beaten French soldiers' and their threats to cut off the bowmen's fingers.
two-fingered V-sign, palm outward	hands fingers	victory, peace	British 2nd World War leader Winston Churchill popularised the victory usage, although apparently, significantly if so, first used the palm inwards version until he was told what it meant to the working classes.

handshakes - body language

Firmness of handshake is not the reliable indicator of firmness of character that many believe it to be. Firm handshakes tend to be those of confident people, especially those who have spent some time in business, and who realise that most people in business consider a firm handshake to be a good thing. Handshakes that are uncomfortably firm show a lack of respect or awareness, especially if used in cultures (Eastern especially) where firm handshaking is not normal.
Handshaking evolved from ancient times as an initial gesture of trust, to show that no weapon was being held. Naturally also the handshake offers the most obvious way to connect physically as a way to signal trust or friendship. In more recent times, especially from the 1800s onwards, a handshake became the way to confirm a commercial transaction. Handshaking by women became common practice much later, reflecting the change of social attitudes and the increasing equality of women, for whom a hundred years back such physical contact was considered improper. Women have throughout time generally been subservient to men, hence the very subservient female curtsey gesture (also spelled curtsy), which survives now only in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage performance.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
handshake - palm down	handshake	dominance	Usually a firm handshake, the 'upper hand' tends to impose and/or create a dominant impression.
handshake - palm up	handshake	submission, accommodating	Usually not a strong handshake, the lower hand has submitted to the upper hand dominance. How all this ultimately translates into the subsequent relationship and outcomes can depend on more significant factors than the handshake.
handshake - both hands	handshake	seeking to convey trustworthiness and honesty, seeking to control	Whether genuine or not, this handshake is unduly physical and (often) uncomfortably domineering.
handshake - equal and vertical	handshake	non-threatening, relaxed	Most handshakes are like this, when neither person seeks to control or to yield.
pumping handshake	handshake	enthusiasm	A vigorous pumping handshake tends to indicate energy and enthusiasm of the shaker towards the other person, the meeting, situation or project, etc). There is a sense of attempting to transfer energy and enthusiasm, literally, from the vigorous handshaker to the shaken person, hence the behaviour is popular in motivational folk and evangelists, etc.
weak handshake	handshake	various	Avoid the common view that a weak handshake is the sign of a weak or submissive person. It is not. Weak handshakes can be due to various aspects of personality, mood, etc. People who use their hands in their profession, for example, musicians, artists, surgeons, etc., can have quite gentle sensitive handshakes. Strong but passive people can have gentle handshakes. Old people can have weak handshakes. A weak handshake might be due to arthritis. Young people unaccustomed to handshaking can have weak handshakes. It's potentially a very misleading signal.
firm handshake	handshake	outward confidence	Avoid the common view that a firm handshake is the sign of a strong solid person. It is not. Firm handshakes are a sign of outward confidence, which could mask deceit or a weak bullying nature, or indicate a strong solid person. Strength of a handshake is not by itself an indicator of positive 'good' mood or personality, and caution is required in reading this signal. It is widely misinterpreted.
handshake with arm clasp	handshake	seeking control, paternalism	When a handshake is accompanied by the left hand clasping the other person's right arm this indicates a wish to control or a feeling of care, which can be due to arrogance. To many this represents an unwanted invasion of personal space, since touching 'permission' is for the handshake only.

legs and feet - body language

Legs and feet body language is more difficult to control consciously or fake than some body language of arms and hands and face. Legs and feet can therefore provide good clues to feelings and moods, if you know the signs.
Men and women sit differently, which needs to be considered when reading leg body language. Partly due to clothing and partly due to sexual differences, men naturally exhibit more open leg positions than women, which should be allowed for when interpreting signals. Certain open-leg male positions are not especially significant in men, but would be notable in women, especially combined with a short skirt.
Older women tend to adopt more modest closed leg positions than younger women, due to upbringing, social trends, equality and clothing. Again take account of these influences when evaluating signals.
Also consider that when people sit for half-an-hour or more they tend to change their leg positions, which can include leg crossing purely for comfort reasons. Again allow for this when interpreting signals.
Leg signals tend to be supported by corresponding arms signals, for example crossed arms and crossed legs, which aside from comfort reasons generally indicate detachment, disinterest, rejection or insecurity, etc.
N.B. Where the terms 'leg crossing' and 'crossed legs' are used alone, this refers to the legs being crossed at both knees. The 'American' or 'Figure-4' leg cross entails the supporting leg being crossed just above the knee by the ankle or lower calf of the crossing leg. This makes a figure-4 shape, hence the name. The posture is also called the American leg cross because of its supposed popularity in the US compared to the UK, notably among males.

signal	part of body	possible meaning(s)	detailed explanation
leg direction, sitting - general	legs/knees	interest, attentiveness (according to direction)	Generally a seated person directs their knee or knees towards the point of interest. The converse is true also - legs tend to point away from something or someone which is uninteresting or threatening. The rule applies with crossed legs also, where the upper knee indicates interest or disinterest according to where it points. The more direct and obvious the position, the keener the attraction or repellent feeling.
uncrossed legs, sitting - general	legs	openness	In sitting positions, open uncrossed leg positions generally indicate an open attitude, contrasting with with crossed legs, which normally indicate a closed attitude or a degree of caution or uncertainty.
parallel legs together, sitting (mainly female)	legs	properness	This unusual in men, especially if the knees point an angle other than straight ahead. The posture was common in women due to upbringing and clothing and indicates a sense of properness.
crossed legs, sitting - general	legs	caution, disinterest	Crossed legs tend to indicate a degree of caution or disinterest, which can be due to various reasons, ranging from feeling threatened, to mildly insecure.
crossing legs, sitting - specific change	legs	interest or disinterest in direction of upper crossed knee	Generally the upper crossed leg and knee will point according to the person's interest. If the knee points towards a person then it signifies interest in or enthusiasm for that person; if it points away from a person it signifies disinterest in or a perceived threat from that person. Signs are more indicative when people first sit down and adopt initial positions in relation to others present. Signs become less reliable when people have been sitting for half-an-hour or so, when leg crossing can change more for comfort than body language reasons.
American or figure-4 leg cross	legs	independent, stubborn	The 'American' or 'figure-4' leg cross is a far more confident posture than the conventional 'both knees' leg cross. It exposes the genital region, and typically causes the upper body to lean back. The crossed leg is nevertheless a protective barrier, and so this posture is regarded as more stubborn than the 'both knees' leg cross.
American or figure-4 leg cross with hand clamp	legs / arm / hand	resistant, stubborn	This is a more protective and stubborn version of the plain American leg cross, in which (usually) the opposite hand to the crossing leg clamps and holds the ankle of the crossing leg, effectively producing a locked position, which reflects the mood of the person.
open legs, sitting (mainly male)	legs	arrogance, combative, sexual posturing	This is a confident dominant posture. Happily extreme male open-crotch posing is rarely exhibited in polite or formal situations since the signal is mainly sexual. This is a clear exception to the leg/knee point rule since the pointing is being done by the crotch, whose target might be a single person or a wider audience. Not a gesture popularly used by women, especially in formal situations and not in a skirt. Regardless of gender this posture is also combative because it requires space and makes the person look bigger. The impression of confidence is increased when arms are also in a wide or open position.
ankle lock, sitting	legs	defensiveness	Knees may be apart (among men predominantly) or together (more natural in women). There is also a suggestion of suppressing negative emotion.
splayed legs, standing	legs	aggression, ready for action	Splayed, that is wide-parted legs create (usually unconsciously) a firm base from which to defend or attack, and also make the body look wider. Hands on hips support the interpretation.
standing 'at attention'	legs / body	respectful	Standing upright, legs straight, together and parallel, body quite upright, shoulders back, arms by sides - this is like the military 'at attention' posture and is often a signal of respect or subservience adopted when addressed by someone in authority.
legs intertwined, sitting (female)	legs	insecurity or sexual posing	Also called 'leg twine', this is a tightly crossed leg, twined or wrapped around the supporting leg. Depending on the circumstances the leg twine can either be a sign of retreat and protection, or a sexual display of leg shapeliness, since a tight leg-cross tends to emphasise muscle and tone. Assessing additional body language is crucial for interpreting such signals of potentially very different meanings.
legs crossed, standing (scissor stance)	legs	insecurity or submission or engagement	Typically observed in groups of standing people at parties or other gatherings, defensive signals such as crossed legs and arms among the less confident group members is often reinforced by a physical and audible lack of involvement and connection with more lively sections of the group. Where legs are crossed and arms are not, this can indicate a submissive or committed agreement to stand and engage, so the standing leg cross relays potentially quite different things.
knee buckle, standing	legs / knees	under pressure	Obviously a pronounced knee buckle is effectively a collapse due to severe stress or actually carrying a heavy weight, and similarly a less obvious knee bend while standing can indicate the anticipation of an uncomfortable burden or responsibility.
feet or foot direction or pointing	feet	foot direction indicates direction of interest	Like knees, feet tend to point towards the focus of interest - or away from something or someone if it is not of interest. Foot direction or pointing in this context is a subtle aspect of posture - this is not using the foot to point at something; it is merely the direction of the feet when sitting or standing in relation to people close by.
foot forward, standing	feet	directed towards dominant group member	The signal is interesting among groups, when it can indicate perceptions of leadership or dominance, i.e., the forward foot points at the leader or strongest member of the group.
shoe-play (female)	feet	relaxation, flirting, sexual	A woman would usually be relaxed to display this signal. In certain situations dangling a shoe from the foot, and more so slipping the foot in and out of the shoe has sexual overtones.

personal space

The technical term for the personal space aspect of body language is proxemics. The word was devised by Edward Twitchell Hall (b.1914), an American anthropologist and writer on body language and non-verbal communications, especially relating to cross-cultural understanding. His 1963 book, Proxemics, A Study of Man's Spacial Relationship, no doubt helped popularize the new word. Here is Edward Twitchell Hall's website - he's an interesting character, and one of the founding fathers of modern body language theory. His other books are listed in the body language references section below. Robert Ardrey is cited by Julius Fast as another significant expert and writer in personal space.
Proxemics - personal space - is defined as (the study of) the amount of space that people find comfortable between themselves and others.
Personal space dimensions depend notably on the individual, cultural and living background, the situation, and relationships, however some general parameters apply to most people, which for Western societies, are shown below.
There are five distinct space zones, which were originally identified by Edward T Hall, and which remain the basis of personal space analysis today. The first zone is sometimes shown as a single zone comprising two sub-zones.

zone	distance	for	detail
1. Close intimate	0-15cm 0-6in	lovers, and physical touching relationships	Sometimes included with the 2nd zone below, this is a markedly different zone in certain situations, for example face-to-face contact with close friends rarely encroaches within 6 inches, but commonly does with a lover.
2. Intimate	15-45cm 6-18in	physical touching relationships	Usually reserved for intimate relationships and close friendships, but also applies during consenting close activities such as contact sports, and crowded places such as parties, bars, concerts, public transport, queues and entertainment and sports spectating events. Non-consenting intrusion into this space is normally felt to be uncomfortable at best, or very threatening and upsetting at worst. Within the intimate zone a person's senses of smell and touch (being touched) become especially exercised.
3. Personal	45-120cm 18in-4ft	family and close friends	Touching is possible in this zone, but intimacy is off-limits. Hence touching other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable.
4. Social- consultative	1.2-3.6m 4-12ft	non-touch interaction, social, business	Significantly hand-shaking is only possible within this zone only if both people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people reach to do it.
5. Public	3.6m+ 12ft+	no interaction, ignoring	People establish this zonal space when they seek to avoid interaction with others nearby. When this space is intruded by another person is creates a discomfort or an expectation of interaction.

body language of seating positioning in relation to others

Lots of unnecessary friction is created in work and communications situations due to ignorance and lack of thought about seating positions.
The 'science' of where people sit in relation to each other, and on what and around what, is fascinating and offers opportunities for improving relationships, communications, cooperation and understanding.
Here are some guidelines.
These points are generally for the purpose of a leader or someone aspiring to lead, or coach, counsel, etc. They also relate to one-to-one situations like appraisals, interviews, etc.
Sitting opposite someone creates a feeling of confrontation. For one-to-one meetings, especially with emotional potential (appraisals for example) take care to arrange seating before the meeting to avoid opposite-facing positions. If you cannot arrange the seating give very deliberate thought to seating positions before you sit down and/or before you invite the other person to sit - don't just let it happen because commonly, strangely, people often end up sitting opposite if free to do so.
Consider the rules about personal space. Do not place chairs so close together that personal space will be invaded. Conversely sitting too far apart will prevent building feelings of trust and private/personal discussion.
Sitting opposite someone across a table or desk adds a barrier to the confrontational set-up and can create a tension even when the relationship is good and strong. It's easy to forget this and to find yourself sitting opposite someone when there are only two of you at the table. Sitting opposite across a table is okay for lovers gazing into each other's eyes, but not good for work, counselling, coaching, etc.
Sitting behind a work-desk (the boss behind his/her own desk especially) and having someone (especially a subordinate) sit in a less expensive lower chair across the desk emphasises authority of the boss and adds unhelpfully to the barrier and the confrontational set-up. This seating arrangement will increase the defensiveness of anyone already feeling insecure or inferior. This positioning is favoured by certain bosses seeking to reinforce their power, but it is not helpful in most modern work situations, and is not a good way to increase respectful natural authority anyway. Incidentally the expression 'on the carpet' - meaning being told off or 'bollocked' - derives from the extreme form of this positional strategy, when the victim, called into the office would stand to receive their bollocking on the carpet in front of the boss who sat high and mighty behind his desk. (The boss would typically be male, and beaten/abused/neglected as a child, but that's another story.)
Sitting at a diagonal angle of about 45 degrees to another person is a comfortable and cooperative arrangement. This is achieved naturally by both sitting around the same corner of a square table, which also enables papers to be seen together without too much twisting.
The same angle is appropriate for and easy-chairs around a coffee-table. A table ceases to become a barrier when people are sitting at a diagonal angle, instead it becomes a common work surface for studying papers, or exploring issues together.
Sitting side by side on a settee is not a good arrangement for working relationships. It threatens personal space, and obstructs communications.
Low settees and easy-chairs and low coffee tables cause people to sink and relax back are usually unhelpful for work meetings. For this reason much seating in hotel lounges is entirely unsuitable for work meetings. People naturally are more alert and focused using higher formal table and chairs.
Interviews and appraisals can benefit from relaxed or more formal seating depending on the situation. Importantly - make a conscious choice about furniture depending on the tone of the meeting, and how relaxed you want the meeting to be.
The 45-degree rule is approximate, and anyway under most circumstances seating angles are influenced by furniture and available space. Importantly, simply try to avoid opposite or side-by-side positions. An angle between these two extremes is best - somewhere in the range of 30-60 degrees if you want to be technical about it.
Round tables are better than square or oblong tables for group and team meetings. Obviously this works well because no-one is at the head of the table, which promotes a feeling of equality and teamwork. King Arthur - or the creator of the legend (King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table) - opted for a round table for this reason. The term 'round table' has come to symbolise teamwork and fairness, etc., for a long time. Unfortunately round tables aren't common in offices, which means thinking carefully about best seating arrangements for square or oblong tables.
A confident leader will be happy to avoid taking the 'head of the table' position, instead to sit among the team, especially if there are particular reasons for creating a cooperative atmosphere.
Conversely it is perfectly normal for a leader to take the 'head of the table' if firmness is required in chairing or mediating, etc. It is usually easier to chair a meeting from the head of the table position.
Theory suggests that when a group sits around a table the person sitting on the leader's right will generally be the most loyal and aligned to the leader's thinking and wishes. A (likely) mythical origin is said to be that in Roman times a leader would place their most loyal supporter to their right because this was the most advantageous position from which to attempt an assassination by stabbing (given that most people then as now were right-handed). Assassination by stabbing is rare in modern work meetings, so positioning an opponent on your right side (instead of allowing the normal opposite positioning to happen) can be a useful tactic since this indicates confidence and strength.
In large gatherings of 20-30 people or more, a 'top table' is often appropriate for the leader and guest speakers. While this seems like a throwback to more autocratic times, it is perfectly workable. Groups of people above a certain size are far more likely to expect firm direction/leadership, if not in making decisions, certainly to keep order and ensure smooth running of proceedings. Therefore seating arrangements for large groups should provide a clear position of control for the chairperson or event leaders.

Lets find out what your partners feels about you

Female Indications of Interest in a Male

As with interpreting body language generally, beware of concluding anything based on a single signal. Clusters of signals are more reliable. Foot pointing, knee pointing, and leg-crossing signals can all be due simply to comfort, rather than expressions of interest or sexual appeal.
Aside from the specific flirting and sexual attraction signs below, females also express interest using the general signalling explained in the earlier sections, e.g., prolonged direct eye contact, active responsive listening, attentive open alert postures and body positions, etc.
Here are the most common female flirting body language signals and meanings, according to experts on the subject:
eye contact - anything more than a glance indicates initial interest.
eye catch and look away - establishing eye contact then looking away or down is said by many experts to be the standard initial signal of interest designed to hook male reaction. The reliability of the signal meaning is strengthened when repeated and/or reinforced with longer eye-contact.
eye-widening - interest, simultaneously increasing attractiveness/appeal.
eyelash flicker - subtle movement of eyelashes to widen eyes briefly.
pupil dilating - interest, liking what is seen, arousal.
looking sideways up - lowering head, slightly sideways, and looking up - also known as doe-eyes, with eyelashes normally slightly lowered - displays interest and vulnerability/coyness, most famously employed by Diana Princess of Wales, notably in her interview with Martin Bashir in battle for public sympathy following her split with Prince Charles.
shoulder glance - looking sideways towards the target over the shoulder signals availability, and hence interest.
smiling - obvious sign of welcoming and friendliness.
moistening lips - lips are significant in signalling because (psychologists say) they mimic the female labia, hence the potency of red lipstick (suggesting increased blood flow) and moistening/licking the lips.
parted lips - significant and potent attraction signal.
preening - especially of hair, which exposes the soft underarm.
flicking hair - often combined with a slight tossing movement of the head.
canting (tilting) head - also exposes neck.
showing inner wrist or forearm - a soft vulnerable area and erogenous zone.
straightening posture - standing taller, chest out, stomach in - a natural response to feeling the urge to appear more appealing.
self-touching - drawing attention to sexually appealing parts of the body; neck, hair, cleavage, thigh, etc. - additionally self-touching is said to represent transference/imagining of being touched - and of course demonstration of what it would be like for the target to do the touching; teasing in other words.
self thigh-stroking - usually while sitting down - same as self-touching.
standing opposite - normally a confrontational positioning, but in flirting allows direct eye contact and optimizes engagement. Refer also to personal space rules: less than 4ft between people is personal; less than 18 inches is intimate and only sustainable when there is some mutual interest and attraction, especially when direct facing and not in a crowded environment. N.B. Crowded environments distort the personal space rules, where implied permissions (e.g., for public transport and dense crowds or queues) override normal interpretations.
leaning forward - sitting or standing; leaning forwards towards a person indicates interest and attraction.
foot pointing - direction can indicate person of interest.
knee-pointing - as foot pointing.
leg twine - a tight-leg cross 'aimed' (combined with eye contact) at a target, or when sitting one-to-one, increases sexual allure since it emphasises leg shape and tone. When employed flirtatiously, female leg crossing and uncrossing also has obvious sexual connotations and stimulates basic urges in males.
shoe-dangling - positive signal of relaxation or of greater promise, especially if the foot thrusts in and out of the shoe.
pouting - pouting involves tightening the lips together; the tongue rises to the roof of the mouth as if ready to swallow. Pouting displays various emotions, not always a sexual one, for example projection of the lower lip indicates upset. An attraction pout looks more like the initial forming of a kiss.
picking fluff - removing fluff, hair, etc., from the target's clothes is playing in the intimate personal space zone, in which the fluff picking is merely a pretext or excuse.
fondling cylindrical objects - phallic transference, for instance using pens, a dangling earring, a wine glass stem, etc.
mirroring - mirroring or synchronizing gestures and positions is a signal of interest and attraction. See mirroring.
When considering body language in such detail, remember that males and females rely greatly on conversation and verbal communication to determine mutual attraction as soon as the situation allows. Body language in flirting can be significant in indicating a strong match, but just as easily can merely be an initial filtering stage which progresses no further because other (infinitely variable) personal or situational criteria on either or both sides are not met.
Also bear in mind that a lot of flirting happens for fun with no intention of proceeding to sexual or romantic attachment.
The purpose of this page is chiefly to explain body language signals, not to explain human relationships.

Male Interest in Females

The most prevalent signals males use to announce their availability and attract female attention are summarised below. Under many circumstances these might be categorised under the headings 'pathetic' or 'amusing'. The male of the species, despite a couple of million years of evolution, has yet to develop much subtle body language in this area.
posturing - erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
wide stance - legs apart (standing or sitting) - to increase size.
cowboy stance - thumbs in belt loops, fingers pointing to genital area.
hands in pockets - thumbs out and pointing to genitals.
'chest-thumping' - a metaphor describing various male antics designed to draw attention to themselves, often involving play-punching or wresting other males, laughing too loudly, head-tossing, acting the fool, etc.
room scanning - males who are available and looking for females tend to scan the room, partly to look for available females, but also to indicate they are available themselves.
dress - clothing: style, fit, cleanliness, etc - is all an extension of personality and is therefore part of body language.
preening and grooming - adjusting clothes, ties, cuffs, sleeves, tugging at trouser crotch, running hands through or over hair, etc.
smell - certain smells are attractive to females but it's a complex and highly personal area yet to be understood well. Answers on a postcard please.
tattoos - here's an interesting one, commonly ignored in conventional body language flirting guides. Tattoos have dramatically altered in society's perceptions in the past generation. Previously considered indicative of lower class, lower intellect, sailors, soldiers, builders, etc., nowadays they are everywhere on everyone. Tattoos have been a significant part of human customs for thousands of years. They are decorative, and also (in evolutionary terms) suggested strength and machismo, since the process of obtaining them was painful and even life-threatening. Certain females are attracted by tattoos on men, especially extensive markings. It's a drastic step to improve one's love life, but worthy of note, because the subject is not as simple and negative as traditionally regarded. Tattoos are significant attention-grabbers, and given the variety of subjects featured, also provide interesting talking points.
body piercings - again more complex than traditionally considered, piercings do attract attention and signify the wearer to be different.
dancing - dancing, in a suitable place of course, has for thousands of years been an opportunity for males and females to display their physical and sexual potential. With the exception perhaps of pogo-ing and head-banging most dance styles replicate sexual movements - lots of rhythmic hip and leg work, contorted facial expressions, sweating and occasional grunting, etc. For those blessed with a level of coordination dancing offers an effective way of attracting attention, especially in crowded competitive situations. For the less rhythmic, the lesson is to find a different environment.

bowing and curtseying body language

Although now rare in Western society bowing and curtseying are interesting because they illustrate the status and relationship aspects of body language, which are so significant in one-to-one situations.
Bowing - Bowing is mainly a male gesture. Bending the upper body downwards towards another person or group is a signal of appreciation or subservience. The bow was in olden times a standard way for men to greet or acknowledge another person of perceived or officially higher status. The bow is also a gesture of appreciation and thanks which survives in entertainment and performance. Male bowing traditionally varied from a modest nod of the head, to a very much more pronounced bend of the body from the hips. Depth of bend reflects depth of respect or appreciation. For added dramatic effect the feet may be moved tightly together. A very traditional Western bow involves a deeper bend combined with the (normally) right-leg pushing backwards or 'scraping' on the ground, hence the expression 'bowing and scraping'. The effect can be augmented by the bower's hand pressing horizontally on the stomach, and the other arm extended, or sweeping extravagantly in a circular motion, made all the more dramatic if combined with removing a hat. Such behaviour is rare outside of Christmas pantomimes these days, however interestingly even in modern times you will see men slightly nodding their heads in an involuntary 'semi-bow' when meeting a person and wishing to show respect or admiration. As such, the small nod or bow of a head can be a clue to perceived seniority in relationships. Bowing has long been more significant and complex in Eastern cultures, where the gesture carries a similar deferential meaning, albeit it within more formal protocols and traditions. The fundamental body language of bowing is rooted in showing subservience by lowering one's gaze and body, literally putting the bower at a lower level than the other person. Bowing remains significant in Japanese culture.
Curtsey/curtsy - The curtsey is the female equivalent of the male bow, and in their most extreme versions curtseying and bowing gestures are quite similar. A curtsey is a bend of the knees, combined with a slight bow of the head, and sometimes a lifting of the skirt or dress at each side, at knee-height, by both hands. This skirt-lift dates from olden times when this prevented a long skirt from touching wet or muddy ground. The female curtsey gesture survives in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage or dance performance, in which you might see an older more flamboyant and deeper curtsey entailing one knee bending sideways and the other leg bending behind. Curtseying has effectively now been replaced by handshaking, although as with male bowing it is possible sometimes to see small head bows by women when meeting and shaking hands with someone regarded as superior or important.
Bowing and curtseying as conscious intentional gestures have effectively disappeared from Western behaviour, but importantly people's body language continues to give much smaller unconscious signals which can be linked to these old formal gestures and their meanings.

Lets improve your own body language

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on everyday for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

learn to read body language

moving in the society in an extraordinary way by reading non-verbal language

Noticing the signals that people send out with their body language is a very useful social skill. Some of us can read it naturally and some of us are notoriously oblivious. Fortunately, with a little extra attentiveness, you can learn to read body language, and with enough practice it'll become second nature.

Steps

Pay attention to how close someone is to you. The closer they are, the warmer they are thinking of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they actually care of the situation or person. If you move slightly closer to them, do they move slightly further away? That means they don't want your interaction to be any more personal than it already is. If they don't move further away, then they are receptive. And if they respond by getting even closer to you, they probably really like you or are very comfortable around/by you.

It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; keep in mind that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.

Watch their head position.

Overly tilted heads are either a potential sign of sympathy, or if a person smiles while tilting their head, they are being playful and maybe even flirting.
Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself or herself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.

It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.

Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures. Think of how a dog slightly cocks its head when you make a funny noise.
On the other hand when coupled with a smile, a tilted head will mean they genuinely like you and are engaged in playful conversation.

Look into their eyes.

People who look to the sides a lot are nervous, lying, or distracted. However, if a person looks away from the speaker, it very well could be a comfort display or indicate submissiveness. Looking askance generally means the person is distrustful or unconvinced.
If someone looks down at the floor a lot, they are probably shy or timid.
Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect, so this could explain why someone is avoiding eye contact with you.
Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that many drugs cause pupils to dilate, including alcohol, cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA, LSD and others. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction. Also, some people have permanently dilated pupils (a condition known as mydriasis).
If their eyes seem far away, that usually indicates that a person is in deep thought or not listening.

See if they're mirroring you. Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you and trying to establish rapport with you. Try changing your body position here and there. If you find that they change theirs similarly, they are mirroring.

Check their arms.

People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their appearance, or just trying to hide something on their shirt. If their arms are crossed while their feet are shoulder width or wider apart, this is a position of toughness or authority.
If someone rests their arms behind their neck or head, they are open to what is being discussed or just laid back in general.
If their hands are on their hips, they might be waiting or impatient.
If their hands are closed or clenched, they may be irritated, angry, or nervous.

Be aware of nervous gestures:

If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, this may be preening, a common gesture if the person likes you, or their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. This is presuming they are not trying to observe something that's far away.
If they are staring into space then they are most likely thing deeply about the past or they could be thinking of you

Watch their feet:

A fast tapping, shifting of weight, laughing, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is impatient, excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.

Note though that some people with ADHD will constantly jiggle their legs. It doesn't mean anything, it's entirely subconscious and, while eccentric, it can't be stopped.

If the person is sitting, feet crossed at the ankles means they're generally at ease.
If while standing, a person seems to always keep their feet very close together, it probably means they are trying to be "proper" in some way.
If they purposely touch their feet to yours, they are flirting!
Some people may point their feet to the direction of their interest. So if it's pointing at you, he/she may be interested in you.

Tips

It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture. They may also sit or stand very cricked. Long eye contact can also be found in lovers' eyes.
If a person talks at a fast rate and mumbles or isn't clear on what they are saying they are lying (trying to stall for time) or not telling the full truth (being vague). (But be aware that some people do actually mumble)
Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
Observing in context is key to understanding body language.
Keep in mind that each person has their own unique body language called baseline behaviors.
When observing others, be subtle about it.
Pay special attention to changes in body language rather than the body language itself.
If a person looks up at the sky, or to the sides they are usually thinking about you.
Some people touch their face and/or play with their hair when they are flirting.
When a person closes his/her eyes longer than the time it takes to blink, that usually means that he/she is feeling stress, alarm, or despair (although it could mean that their contacts are dry, this will sometimes be accompanied by rubbing of the eye).

Reading Body Language

Thursday 21 July 2011

studying mind through body language